Unlock the Secrets of Calm Parenting: A Must-Listen Guide for Strong-Willed Kids

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:00:04

This is Find a Podcast about thank you for hitting Play. I'm your host Timothy Kimo Brien and I bring my experience with podcasting since 2006.

As a listener and a podcaster, I'm here to help you outsmart the algorithm and find your next binge worthy podcast. Here's how the show works.

I comb the millions of podcasts currently available for free on various platforms and then I come back to you with what I've found.

Sure, you can use search engines for recommendations for many podcast apps, but I feel that getting a personal recommendation from a real, live, breathing person is still the best way to find the gems that are out there. The show is broken up into three halves. I'm a huge fan of Car Talk, so bear with me.

And if you don't know what Car Talk is, definitely you want to look that up because it's a fun old radio show from npr. The first half of the show is the stats of the show being reviewed.

This gives you all the details about where to find the show, how many episodes, who's hosting the show. Basically this is for those who just want the stats.

The second half of the show I dig deeper into the show being reviewed and letting you know how well the host interacts, talk about their audio quality and let you know what I think the show is about.

The last half of the show is where I talk about why this show is binge worthy, where to start your journey with the shows being reviewed and I'll be reaching out to the host to see if they'd like to discuss their show and talk about their podcasting journey. So let's get going. Do you have kids?

Do you wish there was an owner's manual on how to raise kids and you know, maybe playbook that your parents gave you isn't working and is possibly abusive and damaging to those kids? Well, this is the podcast for you. At first it's not an owner's manual, but it does give some interesting advice on how to raise kids.

I found Calm Parenting podcast when one of my twins was diagnosed with ADHD combined and I was looking for ways to better communicate with my kiddo and help with how to raise a strong willed child. And I can honestly say that this podcast is a godsend for me and my family and if you have kids that are strong willed, give it a shot.

I really enjoy Kirk Martin's approach to not play the blame or shame game with parents. Rather he realizes this is what many of us experienced when we were kids and it didn't work out too well.

He's helping parents in every episode and with his business to raise well adjusted adults. Now when you're a parent you're looking for ways to be a better parent.

It can be tough and embarrassing to ask for help, but you're not going to find anything accusatory here.

Instead, what you're going to get is you're going to hear what this father of a strong will child has discovered to be the best way to raise a child into adulthood. And I honestly wish I had found this thing. I wish I found this podcast when my wife and I found out we were pregnant.

So let's get into the details about the show now. The Calm Parenting podcast has over 400 episodes at the time of this recording, about 435 and it comes out bi weekly.

The average length of an episode is 27 minutes and Kirk oftentimes recommends parents have their children listen in on the episodes. The first episode came out the 11th of September of 2017 and again it's hosted by Mr. Kirk Martin.

On occasion he does have guests on the show or replays of interviews that he is on from other podcasts.

The description of the show is as have a strong willed child who doesn't respond to consequences, argues like an attorney and refuses to do things your way. Good. You're in the right place.

Celebrate Calm founder Kirk Martin has given over 1 million parents and teachers around the world practical life changing strategies to stop power struggles, yelling and defiance. Now, based on work with 1500 challenging kids, many with ADHD, ACDO, ASD, etc.

In his home and years spent in classrooms, Kirk's approach is refreshing, practical, honest and laugh out funny. So I like this description because it is it lets you know exactly what you're going to get into.

You know, if your child has adhd, ocd, odd, asd, any of the Alphabet there going on with your kiddos. This lets you know exactly what you're going to get into and it also lets you know his expertise.

So it's not your Uncle Tom or Aunt Sarah that is trying to, you know, tell you how to best raise your kids. It's not your mom and dad either because sometimes mom and dad didn't raise us too right?

So I think this description is right on the money because I've listened to just about every episode that he's put out over 435 episodes and each and every episode really dives into how you can help your child go into that adulthood stage. The genre is education, K through 12 kids and family training.

There is a Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and a brand new TikTok account that's associated with this podcast. Now Listen Notes rates this podcast in the top 0.5% of all podcasts in this genre.

Now keep in mind that this is tracking podcast listeners on the ListenNotes podcast app. So take that with a little bit of a grain of salt. GoodPods unfortunately does not have a rating form at this time, but that's okay.

I'm sure he's going to get a rating there. Probably going to be in the top 10 of all podcasts in that same genre. Maybe even after listening to this podcast or after this episode comes out.

He'll get a bump there. We'll find out. Now when looking at reviews of the show, most of them are very positive. Most of the ones that I saw out there were five stars.

Very positive. There are some that complain about the number of ads in his show and we'll talk about that later on in this episode.

Now he, he does have a program that he has to help you raise your child into an adulthood. Especially, you know, a strong willed child. Now just for transparency, I have not purchased that program at this time.

So at the time that this episode comes out, I haven't purchased it yet. But I listen to the episodes and I get some great wisdom.

Each and every one of his talks and I myself have left a five star review on podchaser for him and this podcast. Full transparency there. Now there are ways to support the podcast mainly by buying into the program for raising strong willed kids.

All the links are going to be in the show notes there for you. Are you happy with your podcast app? I know it's a hard question to answer, but let me ask you this.

Does your app allow you to write the podcast you are listening to? Great if it does. But does it allow you to rate every episode you listen to? Apple Podcast Doesn't.

Does your app allow you to join a community of other listeners and share and comment on your favorite podcasts? Now let's flip the script here a little bit.

If you are a podcaster, does the app your listeners are using give you a tip jar where they can support your show directly instead of paying all these fees to someplace else that you don't know about?

Well, Good Pods allows you as a listener and a podcaster to rate and review all the episodes of a podcast as well as joining a community of other podcast enthusiasts to discuss that thing. We all love podcasts. Give it a shot.

You may not go back to your old app and you might find a Community that is engaged and excited about the same things you are. Grab it on Google Play or the Apple App Store today.

All right, so we're going to start our dive into the Calm Parenting podcast by talking about sound quality first. Now, the Calm Parenting podcast can get a little bit echoey at times, and the sound is all not always at peak performance.

But this is because on occasion, Kirk is in a hotel room or an area where the studio quality sound is not possible. He goes out on a lot of trips, speaks to a lot of people all across the country, so he can't always control the environment that he's recording in.

So for me, that's. I give them a pass on that. Am I being nitpicky on this? Yeah, I am, but if I didn't comment on it, you probably think I'm slacking.

Could it be better and more consistent? Sure. Does it distract from what Kurt is saying? I don't feel it does. The content is there.

I want to bring up something I mentioned in the first half of the podcast. Kirk plays interviews on his show that he's done on other podcasts, and he can't control the quality of what the other podcaster does.

For the most part, sound quality is pretty good on those, and I think it's a stroke of genius on his part because it gives him content that he can use for his podcast and gain listeners from the podcast that he's being interviewed on. Plus, we can hear other viewpoints on what he is doing from other shows that we might not be aware of.

For me, this speaks volumes about Kirk because it takes someone who knows and believes in their message to let your audience know about other shows that are out there to handle topics that are similar to yours. My book. That's a plus. Now let's turn to how Kirk opens the show.

Usually, there's a few commercials from a third party, and on rare occasions, these ads are not what I would think would go well with the show. But after the ads, Kirk goes into a short story about what the episode is about. Take a listen to this clip.

Kirk Martin
00:11:30

So, moms, does it ever feel like you do too much around the house? Well, there's a reason for that. Probably because you do way too much for your kids, for your spouse, for everybody else, and nothing for yourself.

And I want to free you from that because that will only lead in the long run to resentment. After all, I do for you, right?

Kirk Martin
00:11:54

You've.

Kirk Martin
00:11:55

You've felt that before. And I want to liberate you from that for this reason, because you Love being a mom. You wanted to be a mom, but. But now you don't enjoy it anymore.

And the strong willed child has ruined the agenda that you have as a mom, right? To raise a responsible, respectful young man or woman. And they totally ruined that agenda. And you're not enjoying your child anymore.

You're not actually enjoying your life anymore. Parenting. And I know it's hard, but let's work on that. So that's what we're going to talk about today on this episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:12:27

Each show starts like this. Well, I got to say, each show that's not a replay of an interview, another show.

Now, what I like about this approach is that we get to know what the episode is about. If it doesn't speak to you, then you've lost about two minutes of your life versus listening to the entire episode.

Now, look, I'm not a mom, I'm a dad. But some of the nuggets of wisdom in this episode, specifically this episode, do apply to dads.

Now, after this section, Kurt goes into introducing the podcast to listeners.

It really doesn't focus on new listeners specifically, but because the name of the show directly relates to the content of the show, you are more than likely won't be stumbling onto this podcast. You know what you're going to get. The overall feeling I get from this podcast is enlightening and entertaining.

I think it's important that Kirk does not play the blame shame game with his listeners when listening to these episodes. I can relate to what he's talking about, and I have a thick enough skin to realize that some of the bad things that we do as parents apply to me.

But never once am I made to feel bad about it. When I say that I find this podcast enlightening, it's because Kirk comes up with examples that we can use to tweak our parenting styles.

Now, in this next clip, Kirk talks about changing our mindset as parents from being responsible for to being responsible to our kids.

Kirk Martin
00:14:03

I don't want you to be responsible for people, right? I want you to respond, be responsible to people. It's totally different when I'm responsible for your mood.

What happens when you're not in a good mood or when you're not happy or you're not grateful? I will then begin to try to change you and lecture you into being grateful or happy.

See, when I'm responsible to you now, I'm responsible to give you tools, to give you wisdom, right? To give you the benefit of all my years of living. I'm responsible to model for you how to handle situations.

But I'm not responsible for your happiness or for your success.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:14:49

Just this change, the simple change in semantics really has helped me and freed me to be a better parent and help my kids grow to being responsible adults. Now switching over to the entertaining side. Listen to this clip and see if you can relate I know what I.

Kirk Martin
00:15:09

Want in the morning. I want my child to get up early and maybe get some exercise so their brain's ready to learn.

And I want them to eat blueberries and avocado avocado so they get some good healthy fats so their brain is like ready to go. And I want them to have their backpack ready and be ready early and get off to school on time and for it to go so well. I love that.

But many of you have a strong willed child who's just not going to do it that way. And so what if for them you said, look, I've got one goal.

In the morning, the school bus comes or the carpool leaves at 7:21am I don't care what you look like, what you smell like, I don't care what's in your stomach. Just be on that school bus, be in that carpool at 7:21.

And if you're smart enough to wear the clothes to bed that you're going to wear to school the next day, that's brilliant. Why worry about it in the morning? Just wear what you're going to wear school the next day, who cares what you look like? Just get up.

You can roll out of bed at 7:19.

You can grab the Pop Tart that you hid underneath your bed because I know you hoard food up in your bedroom and you can run out to the school bus at 7:21. You don't even have to have your shoes on. You can put your shoes on on the bus.

And at the end of the day, if that child made the school bus on time or made it into the carpool on time, you know what your appropriate response is. Nice job getting ready for school. Now you're not going to like how they do it, but they did it. And see, that's reframing what success looks like.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:16:28

The picture that he sets up in my mind is great.

Seeing my kiddos running out to school in clothes that they slept in with a Pop Tart hanging out of their mouth and making it to the school bus makes me smile every time because that's the direction I'm heading with my kiddos.

Knowing that he has probably had his kid do this Makes it more relatable and therefore his message is more appealing because he's been there with us in the trenches of parenting.

Each episode has one of those moments where I just chuckle, either to myself or doing the thing that he's telling me not to do, or nodding my head in agreement and saying, yep, that's my kid. Now, something else that Kirk does is bring questions from listeners or people that have taken his course.

This is a great way to make content because it's something your audience is asking about. It's a stroke of genius because it brings the audience into the podcast and really makes me feel like he's talking to me.

Even though I know he's talking to thousands and thousands of other parents. It makes me feel that he's talking to me because he's answering a question right there on the show.

Now take a listen to this clip from a listener who is asking about asking less from their child.

Kirk Martin
00:17:52

So when this mom asks, should I ask less? And my answer was not less, but different, right? We're not going to ask less of this child.

Our expectations are not going to be less, but they're going to be different. They're going to look different. And so I encourage you reframe what success looks like with your strong willed child.

Because if you're expecting them to just, like, get with the program, be a compliant child, do exactly what I told you to do, how I told you to do it. You will be endlessly frustrated and you will create a lot of power struggles with this child and this child's confidence will plummet.

They will feel awful about themselves and say, I'm dumb, I'm stupid, nobody likes me. You like my sister better than you like me. I'm an idiot, I don't want to go to school. And that does not end well.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:18:45

Now, I love the answer to this question about expecting less from a strong willed child and not expecting less, but expecting something different that the child can succeed at. I think he tackled that question great because he reframed it and made it flexible for the child and the parents situation.

Now, Kirk is very upfront with his mission in this podcast. In this clip, he's telling us what he hopes we take away from each and every episode.

Kirk Martin
00:19:20

I don't do blame or guilt, not at all. I want you to be free from these things so that, one, you can just enjoy life. Two, you can enjoy your strong will, child.

Three, so you don't keep creating power struggles that don't need to exist with your child. Fourthly, because it doesn't work right. Anxiety causes the exact opposite response that you want from your kids, right?

When you say hey, come on, move, move. Get to the car, get to the car. Instead of running more quickly, your kids move more slowly.

Kirk Martin
00:19:53

Why?

Kirk Martin
00:19:53

Because they know that when you're in that anxious mode, nothing they do will please you.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:20:01

Now I almost wish he would say this in each and every episode to get the point across and have it towards the beginning. Maybe that would be a great way to welcome newcomers to the podcast to let them know what they can expect. With over 400 episodes.

That may be a little bit of overkill, but that would be my only suggestion to bring in or to welcome in new listeners to the podcast. But hey, it's Kirk Show. He can do what he wants. The last thing I want to talk about is his ability to be vulnerable.

In this podcast, this next clip, he talks about his failures that he had as a father and the impact of those failures.

Kirk Martin
00:20:44

That is how I nearly destroyed my relationship with my son because I was doing things always out of principle.

Well, this is the right thing to do and absolutely see it can be the right thing to do and yet it can still destroy a relationship and not work in practice.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:21:07

You can hear it in his voice. He knows there was times he messed up and did not display the behavior he was trying to get out of his strong willed child.

This gives me hope that yes, I screw up from time to time and that Kurt has screwed up himself from time to time, but we can make the changes needed and he is offering us tips and suggestions that we can incorporate into our parenting styles that can help us raise great adults. After all, that's the goal for my life and the goal for calm parenting Podcast.

If you like what you heard so far then I'd like to ask you to reach out. You can email me directly timothy@findapodcast.about XYZ or you can leave me a voicemail at the website findapodcastabout xyz.

I want to help you find your next binge worthy podcast and if you want me to find you a podcast in any category that you're interested in, let me know. Now. If you're a podcaster and feel that your podcast would be served by appearing on this show, I want to talk with you too.

Use the same message methods for reaching out. I'm on Twitter @FindaPodcast, Instagram and Facebook @FindaPodcast.

About another thing I'd like to ask is if you found value in this podcast, pass it along to a Friend. Lastly, doing this podcast is a labor of love, but love ain't cheap.

So consider donating to my Buy Me a Coffee fund right there on the website findapodcast about XYZ support. Each episode takes about five to seven hours of research and two to three hours of production time. Now that's ten hours for each and every episode.

Let me tell you, that's a lot of coffee. A lot. Maybe too much coffee, but like I said earlier, the best recommendations come from a real person. So let's outsmart that algorithm together.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:23:24

Okay?

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:23:25

It's that time where I turn you loose on the Calm Parenting podcast. If you have kids or think about having kids, then I've found the podcast for you. Listen to this before you have those kids, please.

If you have a strong willed child at home, this is a must listen. Kirk brings his many years of experience dealing with over 1500 strong willed kids in his home.

And his program for helping parents of strong willed kids thrive and raise great adults is immaculate. I'm a huge fan of his examples that he uses in each and every podcast. Take a listen to this one about dealing with the child's anxiety.

Kirk Martin
00:24:09

I love the phrase of course, because what you're doing is you're validating, you're acknowledging the truth, which is it is difficult and anxiety is normal. You are normalizing, you are normalizing anxiety.

And I really want us to do that because we have made everything in our society things like, oh my God, I can't believe they really struggle with that and maybe they need to go talk to someone. And yes, sometimes your kids need therapy, but sometimes they don't.

Sometimes what they need is an adult who validates, acknowledges, normalizes and imparts confidence to them.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:24:56

Just that clip right there is well worth the price of admission to listen to this podcast and avoid the price of a therapist visit. If we acknowledge the child's anxiety and validate it, that is step one.

But helping them move past that anxiety and showing them that they have the tools to get past it is priceless. Now here's a strategy he employs with helping a child with anxiety issues.

Kirk Martin
00:25:30

Wherever you go, have an adult give your child a specific job to do. Whether it's that new taekwondo class, whether it's in school, say, oh, I could.

Kirk Martin
00:25:39

Really use your help.

Kirk Martin
00:25:40

Listen, because those are magical words for strong will kids. They love helping other people, just not you as parents. So that teacher says, oh, I need your help because you are so good at electronic stuff.

And could you get school a few minutes early every day? Because when you come in the classroom. I could use your help with X.

That can be very settling because when your child wakes up in the morning, then he's not freaking out about all the unknowns and things he can't control. His brain becomes focused on the job that he has to do, that mission. And your kids often like helping other people.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:26:11

Now this tactic really wants me to try out what he's talking about and see if it works. Because like I said, I have twins and my child without ADHD suffers from anxiety. And again, my goal is to raise independent adults.

Now, going through the reviews of the Calm Parenting podcast. Again, the vast majority are positive five star reviews. Now, some detractors comment on how he's selling his program through the entire episode.

Yeah, he does promote his product and yes, this is a vehicle for him to sell that program.

However, I've been listening to it for the past few years now and I haven't bought the program because I take from the podcast and apply it to my life immediately. I don't fault him for promoting the program at all. In fact, I'm more likely to recommend his program.

I haven't bought it yet, but if it's anything like the podcast, and it sounds to me like it is, it's well worth the price. And this podcast is well worth your time and attention. So where should you start your journey with the Calm Parenting Podcast?

I'd say go ahead and look through the show titles and see if anything speaks to you. Another way to go about it is to go through the episodes that I reviewed on this episode of Find a Podcast About.

The links to them are in the show notes now. They're taken from various points of his podcast journey.

Lastly, I don't think you can go wrong in looking at the top episodes in either Good Pods or podchaser. Some of them are my favorite episodes.

Wherever you start your journey with the Calm Parenting podcast, I know you're going to enjoy it immensely and get something out of each episode. Feel free to let me know which one is your favorite after you've binged them.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:28:10

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I do have Kirk here with me on the show. Kirk, thank you so much for joining us here on Find a Podcast about. Did you get in a good hike today?

Kirk Martin
00:28:21

Oh, Timothy, you know what? It's, it's planned for after I talk to you. Warms up a little bit. We'll get a good hike in. So thanks for asking.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:28:31

Absolutely. Well, let's get right into your podcast here, which you know I absolutely love and it impacts my Life entirely and my family's life.

But what got you into podcasting of, you know, of everything out there, of all the vehicles that we have to communicate with people, what would. What was it about podcasting that got you involved?

Kirk Martin
00:28:54

You know what? I think it was, Timothy.

Back in the day, we used to travel a lot, so we would do live events, and we're freaks, so we would do like two a day, sometimes in different states, speaking to people. But podcasting gives you an opportunity to reach so many different people you can't reach in person.

And I already, to be honest, I already had the content from doing the live workshops. So it's like, I have content. How can I put it out there? And podcasting sitting in front of a microphone is pretty easy and quick.

I can do it from anywhere. And I just. And plus, I'm a consumer of podcasts. Like, I love learning that way.

Like, I always thought, like, if you're, like, chose to homeschool your kids today. Yeah, I just line them up with, like, eight podcasts a day. There's so many smart people out there that they could learn from.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:29:48

Absolutely. They didn't have this when we were kids, that's for sure.

Kirk Martin
00:29:51

No.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:29:52

So.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:29:54

What'S the one idea? What's one thing that a listener should get? What's the one idea that goes throughout all your episodes, do you think?

Kirk Martin
00:30:05

I would probably say it's that we, as the parents, are the linchpin. And if you. The quickest way to change your child's behavior is to first control your own. And so that's the foundation of man.

We want to control these kids, stop them, help them with the big emotions. But if we're. I always kind of joke with that thing. I used to tell my son, you need to calm down. And he was like, you're 35.

You haven't even learned this yet. Like, why are you yelling at me? To calm. Calm down. So. And you know, from listening, like, we don't. I don't do the blame and guilt thing.

We all have our issues, but we can't make excuses. And a lot of guys are like, well, why don't the kids need to learn to behave first? I'm like, no, they don't. You're the grown up. So.

But I think people find it kind of liberating.

Okay, I can't always control the behavior of another human being, but if in this moment, when things are going haywire, if I can just control myself even sitting down, I can change the dynamic. So I think it gives parents a Sense of power back instead of helplessness, of, like, what do I do with this kid? Okay. I sit down.

That doesn't change everything, but it kind of helps.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:31:20

Yeah, absolutely. I. I found that, you know, when I've listened to your podcast, that it's the small behaviors.

It's, you know, if I'm exuding that calmness, then eventually, yeah, I've got twins, so I'm always, you know, playing them off against each other. But I find that if I am myself calm, then they're going to look towards me because I'm the big guy. You know, I'm six foot two. I'm huge.

You know, compared to them, they're only four foot five, and they're going to.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:31:54

Go, oh, my dad's calm.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:31:58

Maybe I should try being calm, and maybe I should try this out. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

Kirk Martin
00:32:04

Right.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:32:04

But for the most part, they do. So I think that's awesome. You've been going at this since 2017.

Kirk Martin
00:32:12

Yeah.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:32:13

You know, when you first started at the Calm Parenting podcast, did you ever think, okay, in 2024, I'm going to have 435 episodes? And was that the plan, or was it just going to do a couple and see where it goes?

Kirk Martin
00:32:27

You know, like most things in life, it's not planned. All the things Timothy, I've tried to plan usually fail. Right. Like, we've got. I've got a strategic plan of how this is going to work.

We did something called. I think it was called Blog Talk Radio. Do you remember? Like, way back, like in the. Not when you started, but in the early 2010s.

So I think no, there was no master plan for, here's how we're going to build and grow our audience.

It was the same thing we always did with our newsletter with everything else is let's try to put out good content that actually helps people in their daily lives. And usually good things happen when you do that.

And then it just kind of grew and then took off this past year because I got on Instagram and then it kind of exploded. And I always swore I would never do Instagram. It was the one thing I swore I would never do.

And then I did it, and then it kind of caused everything to explode. It's just funny how that stuff works.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:33:30

I hear you on that. I actually started off with Blog Talk radio back in 2006.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:33:35

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:33:36

I remember it very well. Very well.

Kirk Martin
00:33:39

And that was before, like, podcasting. I don't even know if podcasting was a word yet. Back Then like, because it was.

Because even the name of like blog Talk, it was still blogging was the big thing you did. So the terminology is even kind of funny.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:33:56

And, you know, here we are in 2024, and that's only, you know, not even 20 years ago, and you're like, wow, this is. We're both of a certain age, but it's like, this happened in 20 years. Oh, my gosh.

Kirk Martin
00:34:10

Well, kind of. Don't you think it's a little bit like talk radio happened, right? Like talk radio became the dominant form of radio and now you have this.

So I love it though. I mean, I'm a huge consumer of podcasts. So, like, I've got my brothers and I send them to each other.

So I'm like backlog probably to like 2040 on what I need to listen to. So. But I listen at 1.5 speed and I can get through. Do you do that as well? A little bit.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:34:40

Well, when I edit, I listen at 2.0 speed and it sounds like chipmunks. And so.

But when I'm listening to, to it, I actually listen to it at 1.0 speed because if I hear it at like 1 point, even 1.25, it just sounds off to me. I have to hear it at 1.0 speed, but I can edit in 2.0. So yeah.

Kirk Martin
00:35:03

Yeah, that's interesting.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:35:06

I'm the odd duck that way. I definitely am the odd duck that way. Where do you think Calm Parenting Podcast is going to go in the next year? Three years? Five years?

I know, you know, it's. It's kind of happened, it's grown, it's blossomed. But where would you like to take it in the next couple of years?

Kirk Martin
00:35:25

If I'm being honest, I haven't really thought about that. I just. Sure. It's just every week.

Okay, let me put out two good episodes where if I had to say, I would say we will go into some more areas, different areas where we haven't gone into addressing different issues. Maybe it's always hard because in a podcast, a podcast is a lot better than a 90 second Instagram reel, but it's still short.

And so to be able to give context, I like to keep it between 20 to 25 minutes because a lot of people, parents say, hey, I can listen on the way to pick up my kids from school. I've got a 20 minute drive, I can fit in an episode. So again, I don't have a master plan for it. It's more just. It's going well. I'M happy with it.

People seem happy with it. So just don't. Just don't screw it up somehow with some dumb statement.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:36:26

Sure.

Kirk Martin
00:36:26

That's what my son always. He's like, dad, don't say that. You don't have to say that. And I'm like, but I want to say it, so.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:36:37

Well, then you can start up a second podcast, because I'm the king of, you know, setting up podcasts and, you know, stupid stuff that my son doesn't want me to say.

Kirk Martin
00:36:46

No, we've had. That we've had. Because I'm kind of in some ways, known as, like, calm Kirk.

But I'd love to do the caustic Kirk, like Q and A from parents where I can say, like, no, you're an idiot. What were you thinking, dude? Like, but I. But. So that's always in the back of my mind to do almost like a. More outtakes or. Yeah, a little bit more.

Like, straight to the point with a little bit of swearing that people might enjoy. But I haven't gone down that path, so. But I'll talk to you about that, since you're the king of having 95 different podcasts, so.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:37:26

Well, I was going to say, if you do that podcast, you have my email. I'd love to be the first one on that one.

Kirk Martin
00:37:31

Okay. Okay, we can do that.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:37:35

Excellent.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:37:36

Now with your longevity, because most podcasts will last about maybe one to three years, and you've been doing it since 2017.

If you could do anything over again in the career that you've had just with the podcast, is there anything that you would change about how you're doing at either, you know, like, the process or the promotion or anything like that?

Kirk Martin
00:38:02

You know, now that I'm older, I would probably say no, because as you get older, you realize all those mistakes led you to this place. So, like, if you took out the mistakes that you made, you wouldn't be in the same place. It's the same thing with parenting. Right. Like, this is.

This whole podcast is about the fact that I was a horrible dad in many ways. Like, I was the reactive freak dad who couldn't control himself. So all of those mistakes in the past kind of led to where it is now.

Yeah, I don't think I change. Like, you know, you always wish. Like, hey, I wish it would have been more popular back then, but I probably would have self.

What would that be imploded. If I would have gotten very popular before I matured a little bit. So those early episodes, I could make mistakes. We have intentionally not.

I don't edit. I don't. I know it sounds funny. I don't have music at the beginning.

It's just the way that I record it for the way I want to listen to it, and I've resisted. As the podcast has grown, we've had a lot of people, like, we want to produce your podcast. We could do this. And I was like, I don't want it produced.

I want it to start with, boom. I don't want to. People don't want to hear about my weekend and what I've done. Like, who the f cares about that?

Just, like, my child is melting down, Tell me what to do. And so I want to keep it, you know. You know this from doing your podcasts. If you stay true to yourself, then it works.

When you try to start being like other people's podcasts, then you lose your authenticity. So I'm sorry I don't have better answers, like, oh, I wish I would do this.

But I found in life, as I get older, if I don't overthink it, things tend to work a little bit better, and then you just roll with the hiccups. Kind of like parenting, so.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:40:10

Yeah, exactly. Well, I kind of like it because it reminds me of my house. Okay, yeah, your podcast reminds me of my house.

It'll make sense in a second year, I promise. So I grew up the youngest of six, and my mom was a neat freak, okay? Absolute neat freak. I don't know how she kept that house the way she did.

She was, like 5 foot 2, maybe 90 pounds soaking wet. And when I got married and we found out we were pregnant with twins, I say we because, well, I was part of that.

My wife was like, there's a mess on the floor.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:40:51

That's okay.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:40:52

And I was freaking out the whole time. I was like, oh, my God. And after having these kids now for 10 years, okay, a cat just puked on the floor.

I'll clean it up when I can get a chance to, you know, nobody's going to die.

And the thing I really like about your podcast is it is very authentic because if I listen to somebody that was very, very produced and had, you know, different sound effects, I'd be like, okay. And next. And, you know, I would go through the. Through the. Through the millions of podcasts that are out there.

But that's one of the things I really like about yours, is that it's not super produced. It is, hey, if I'm taking the kids to school and one of them's, you know, melting down. I can turn you on and go, how do I deal with this?

You know what, what's some ideas that Kirk has that I can possibly use? And I'd say 9 out of 10 times I'm using those ideas and I'm trying them out, and most times they work pretty well.

Kirk Martin
00:41:57

That's awesome.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:41:58

So that's. That's why I love that you don't have that music in the beginning.

Of course I have music in the beginning of mine just because that's the way I like it. But I'm glad that you're staying true to yourself. Something I mentioned is there's all these podcasts about parenting. I am very.

I feel very lucky and very privileged to have found yours. How do you feel that you stand out from all the other parenting podcasts that are out there?

Kirk Martin
00:42:29

I'd say I have a little bit different voice because I'm a guy, right. Kind of as a dad. Most of the other podcasts are women, a lot of female psychologists, and they're fantastic. Like, they're all good.

It's just, I have a different. Just I have a different voice because I'm coming at it as a dad, so I can speak to men.

I get a lot of comments of, like, my husband won't listen to anybody else, but he'll listen to you. And it's probably because we just sound like jerks like, each other, right?

Like, and I do my man voice when I do the thing, and they're like, yep, that's what I did. But I also. What's kind of interesting is I can sometimes say things to women that other women that get through that sometimes.

Other women saying, it doesn't. Right.

Cause there's a whole, like, mommy thing of, like, we're all mommies and doing that, and I'm a guy on the outside, but we're dealing with strong will kids. And I think that's the other thing is most of the other podcasts are geared toward just raising regular kids.

And ours is very much about these highly emotional, very intense kids who melt down and don't care about consequences. And I think, I hope that's why it resonates, is, like you said, you can tune in, you'll hear something and say, well, I can actually do that.

Like, I can sit down like the one we just did on Big Emotions. It's like, oh, so I can sit down and color and that'll help. Yeah. It doesn't solve the whole situation, but at least it de escalates it quickly.

And then you can get to something good. So I.

It's weird for I don't have a psychology degree, so I think I stand out because it sounds like a parent talking about everyday life and it not being perfect. And that's part of the plan. Like, your, like your wife with like, yeah, there's mess on the floor. Like, I'm gonna do one.

Upcoming on coming up on proper expectations of a parent.

Because we have this thing especially, like, you know, a lot of parents that come from like a religious background, and they're like, well, if you just go to church together and pray together, your home's gonna run wonderfully. And then they do it and they're like, it's worse, right? And so it's like, yeah, how did that happen?

And so I think people also find you normalize it, right? Like, you wake up in the morning, expect something wrong to happen today, right? Like you have twins.

On any given day, you're going to have sibling fights, a tantrum over something, anxiety over going to school or some new place. Like probably five times during your everyday life, you are going to have to clean up emotional messes. And I.

Especially for women, I don't want them to feel guilty, right? Like, well, if you just did all the right things as a mom, your kids would listen to you.

And it's like, no, the strong willed child is going to do what they want to do. And so you feel like you're playing defense. But I always hope that people walk away feeling encouraged.

I hate the word empowered, but hopeful of like, okay, nothing, we're good and we can handle this.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:45:50

Absolutely. When I hear it from you, I'm just like, all right, this guy sounds like me and he's making some sense. And he does have the same barber that I have.

But that's okay. That's okay.

Kirk Martin
00:46:04

You're cooler than I am, Timothy.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:46:07

I do what I can. Yeah, I do it. It's the twins.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:46:11

It's the twins.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:46:14

What's your favorite part about podcasting?

Kirk Martin
00:46:17

I think it's just when I'm speaking into the microphone, I feel like I'm talking to individual parents.

Like, I try to kind of get in that mode of I'm talking to a mom who's overwhelmed, I'm talking to a dad who never really didn't have a good dad and doesn't know how to do this and is like, I want to be a good dad, but all I know is like, fear and intimidation. And so I try to actually picture people.

And we get enough emails that I can do that and so even though I won't meet most of these people, there's still a very kind of intimate connection that you have with people and then especially like with social media. On Instagram now, you do try to get, you kind of get to know people. Like there are people who comment all the time.

And so as weird as it sounds, I feel really good that we've built a community of support of some kind. And even on social media that's not horrible and like people downing each other. So I love that. I love the fact that I can do it from anywhere. I am a.

I'm a strong willed child, grown up myself. I don't like to be told what to do and if I want to do.

The latest podcast I struggled with, I didn't get it done until last night at about 10:30 and then it was released this morning. So I like the flexibility of it as well. Probably all the things you love about it.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:47:50

Absolutely. No, I'm.

And I'm a Sagittarius, so I love traveling all over the place, but my wife won't let me anymore because she's like, you're not leaving me here with these two kids. Yeah, I'm not allowed to die and I'm not allowed to travel. So. But, but that's fine. That's a. Okay.

So conversely, what part of podcasting do you absolutely hate or you wish you can get rid of? If there's anything.

Kirk Martin
00:48:18

You know what, that's a good question. You know, because I don't edit it because I typically don't have guests, so I don't have to worry about technology.

I kind of structure my life so that. Because I am a very intense person and I don't like things going wrong, so I try to eliminate now that I'm older, that's why I won't do all those.

Like, well, I can add music, I can do this. It's like last night at 10:30, I got my microphone out. We're away from home. So I was like, where can I put this and make it still sound good?

So I stood at the kitchen counter in this rental home. So there's nothing like I would do. Probably more podcasts actually, like, I really genuinely love it when I put something out there.

And I anticipate hopefully like, oh, this is going to help these people. I have enough ideas that I could probably do three or four a week, but then I would be obnoxious and I'm trying not to be obnoxious with it. So.

But maybe like you said, an alternative podcast along the way.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:49:32

Sure.

Kirk Martin
00:49:32

With a different voice almost to be let out in different ways and say things that maybe I can't say now on the calm parenting podcast. So the caustic parenting podcast is what I want to do.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:49:48

Absolutely. I will send you my images there for you, so that way you can use that for your images and. And if you want music on it, I can do music for you.

Kirk Martin
00:49:56

Okay.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:50:00

So recently, well, we're recording this here in November, and it was a few episodes ago, you used one of your interviews that you were interviewed on another podcast, and you use that for your podcast. Whose genius idea was that? Because I thought that was fantastic. This is like a bunch of episodes ago. Maybe about five or seven episodes.

Kirk Martin
00:50:25

Yeah, that was with. It was a lady Dr. Kim. She does stuff with teenagers. So I was on her podcast. She interviewed me.

But she kind of has a local following in, I believe, in North Carolina. She's fantastic. And I love the interview. So I think it was actually my son's idea. And he was like, dad, that's a great interview. So we asked her.

I said, if we play that your interview through, I don't even know what you call it, but as part of our podcast goes out in our feed, then that got her so much more recognition for her podcast. And I love the work that she does. So, yeah, that was. Yeah, we've had.

I've done that with a couple different people, and it works out really well because it exposes more of our people to their work, which is complimentary. And plus, it gives a little different voice of. Rather than me talking rapid fire for 22 minutes, there's some interaction and people.

Yeah, we'll probably do that. I'll probably do that more often than.

I haven't figured out how to actually interview people because it involves technology and I don't want to mess with it.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:51:44

Understood. Hey, you've got something good. Just keep it rolling and you're fine. Yeah, absolutely. What podcast? Now, we had talked earlier before we hit record.

What podcast is on your next playlist? Oh, as he pulls it out.

Kirk Martin
00:52:04

No, it's my. My. I have three brothers, so we are very guy focused in a lot of our stuff.

But there's a series, I believe it's produced out of Great Britain called Real Dictators. And so it goes through. I'm kind of.

I'm a history geek, so it goes through dictators over time and it sees the guy has a lovely British voice, so it's easy to listen to. And yeah, that's. That's kind of the series we geek out on is. Oh, I didn't realize that. And we always joke that my son has the strong.

The strong willed son has dictatorial tendencies. So in a loving way we say that. So of course. So we're like, yes. No wonder you found this episode son. So history. The other one we do a lot.

I do a lot is I have a brother who is big in the art field in art, discovering forgeries. And so we do a lot on art history, art forgeries, kind of that intersection of science and art is kind of cool too. And then just sports stuff. Dumb.

Dumb. Yeah, dumb guy. Sports stuff. That's kind of fun. So.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:53:23

Well, Kirk, it has been an honor to sit and to actually talk with you here virtually face to face. I love it. Is there any question that you wanted me to ask that I haven't asked? Because that's my get out of jail free card.

Kirk Martin
00:53:40

No, because you asked the questions that came to mind and that's. I love that. I just appreciate what you're doing.

I obviously in a self interest, I appreciate you enjoying our podcast and featuring that, but I think it's a great idea because especially parents are very, very busy and then defined like, okay, which of the fifth? It's like moms with like 100 parenting books. Where do I start? And then. So your service is fantastic.

Plus it helps people because a lot of people will listen to me and be like, I don't want to listen to that guy for 20 minutes every, like couple, every few days. And then they can weed it out and find someone that they like. So. So thank you for featuring me on that. I genuinely appreciate it.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:54:27

So absolutely. Thank you so much for showing it, for being on the show.

Timothy Kimo Brien
00:54:32

I definitely appreciate it. All right, that's it for this episode.

I want to thank you again for taking a listen and if you want to outsmart the algorithm and have me review a podcast, email me at timothy@findapodcast about xyz or go to the website findapodcastabout xyz where you can listen to the other episodes and leave me a voicemail. I'm here to help you find your next binge worthy podcast.

Before I go, I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you about the other podcast that I run, which is called Create Art Podcast, where I help my listeners tame their inner critic and create more than you consume. You can find that podcast atcreateartpodcast.com. if you have that inner twitch to become a creator or an artist and you don't know where to start.

Head on over to create Art Podcast and let me help you create something for somebody you love. Yourself.

This is a production of TKB Podcast Studios and that's where we help you lead through the noise and provide our customers with the best podcast experience.

From idea to publishing, TKB Podcast Studio is the quiet professionals and can be found@tkb podcast studios.com where you can listen to all the other works that I've been doing and hire me as your next podcast consultant producer.